Last month I had an interview with the biggest oil and gas company in the world (Hint: ExxonMobil’s competitor). It was the last stage of the whole job application – the fourth and the ultimate turning point of the assessment. It’s called Shell Recruitment Day (oops! Not so secret anymore!).
It was a one day event. I would call it The Assessment Day. There were a lot of assessments – case studies, group assessments and individual interviews. It was an amazing experience. I didn’t expect I would come to this stage given how hard the online assessments and phone interview were. But I did. Boy, how proud I was then. The only thing I needed to do was ace this and got recruited into Shell.
I wasn’t alone that day. There were 6 us. Shell said we don’t need to compete with each other as we will be assessed invidually. I was grateful cause the other candidates were so nice. I hoped we all could get in.
Shell. What a nice name to say out loud. And what a nice place to work – I imagined.
After SRD ended, we were told that we would get the result within 2 weeks.
I got mine a day after. And it wasn’t a nice or happy news to get. Shell rejected me.
I was having dinner with my family when I read the email from Shell. I wanted to cry but I held back. “Shell rejected me. I wasn’t good enough” – That was all I could think of.
While having dinner, Papa went to the bank. So while I was alone with Mama, I told her about it. Surprisingly, Mama was okay. She didn’t appear to be sad. She told me to let go since I have no ‘rezeki’ to work with Shell. I cried when she told me that.
At night, I was crying so hard. I felt so sad. I really wanted this. I felt so devastated. Come to think of it, I cried like I broke up with someone or rejected by someone haha
This whole crying thing resumed even I was back in JB. I wanted to let go. It was hard to let go. Then, I saw a quote saying that, you have to be honest with how you feel. Only then you can let go.
I told my colleague about this. He said “Wow, Nisa. I thought you will defo get it. You are good”. I replied “Yeah. But I’m not good enough for them”.
Not good enough.
When I was working at the office, I kept on thinking about how it would be so different if I were to work with Shell now. Then, I hated my job. Because I felt I couldn’t progess. Stuck doing this work forever. Things would be different if I were to work with Shell. I imagined about how my career progression would be. The knowlege and experience that I could gain. But here?
Even until now, I believe I can’t progress if I continue working here.
And then during lunch hour, I cried again thinking about the rejection. He was kind enough to listen and console me. But I cried even harder.
However, as time passed, I finally able to digest this rejection. I told myself that I can’t wallow in this rejection forever. I have to move on. Be positive. Like Mama said. Maybe there is something better for me out there. Hopefully that something comes to me soon.